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Friday, June 17, 2011

Smokes on a plane

Flight attendant discouraging smoking
Ever since I saw the movie Labor of Love, I always try to listen carefully to the flight attendants on the airplane, as "what they're saying really is quite important."

In particular, I always listen to the smoking stuff the flight attendants mention. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I don't smoke.

Here are some important points that all airlines make:
  • Federal Aviation Regulations require passenger compliance with posted placards
  • Federal law prohibits: tampering with, disabling, or destroying any smoke detector installed in an aircraft lavatory
My point #1: Here's something that would be against the law:

Someone taking an unopened pack of cigarettes and throwing it away in the trash can in the airplane restroom.

Inside the restroom, there's a posted placard on every trash bin that indicates, "No cigarette disposal." At first, I thought this sign was funny, because the following situation played out in my head: Someone smokes in the airplane restroom, illegally, breaking federal laws, and is left with their cigarette butt. They're about to throw it in the trash, but they see the "No cigarette disposal." Overcome with remorse, and not wanting to break another federal law, they cram the crumbly butt in their pocket, and save it for the trash cans inside the airport they'll be arriving at, so they don't break another federal law.

Upon retrospect, they really should put those posted placards on any crack or cranny that could contain a butt. They should put them on the toilet, the drain to the water basin, and the place where the paper towels are hidden, in a Seusical fashion, "Do not dispose it in the can, do not dispose it with a plan."

My point #2: Here's something that would not be against the law:

Obscuring a smoke detector. You'd have to do it very carefully, and in a way that doesn't tamper with or touch the smoke detector. You'd also have to make sure that the smoke detector was fully functional, or not disabled in any way.

The way to do this would be to attach something to the wall around the smoke detector, and completely contain the air. It would obscure the smoke detector from the rest of the air in the bathroom, while still rendering the smoke detector enabled, not tampered with, and fully functional.

Of course, you still couldn't smoke in that bathroom, because that would be a federal offense. But, there's nothing currently against the law, as far as I can tell, about obscuring an airplane restroom smoke detector.

Those are the thoughts that go through my head while the flight attendants give me their speeches about smoking.

Whether against the law or not, I discourage people from having anything to do with smokes on a plane. Except, of course, buying duty free cigarettes. Those are for sale on every international flight. I wholeheartedly encourage people to buy duty free cigarettes on airplanes, whether you smoke or not, just for the irony of it all.

Links:

Photo purchased from iStockphoto

Sunday, May 22, 2011

How to live forever in 7 easy steps

An immortal woman who figured out how to live forever, with wings.
The smartest people I know are obsessed with living forever. I've spent the last few months learning about immortality, since I felt I needed to figure out what all the fuss is about.

I obviously assume immortality is possible, and you want to live forever. If you have a miserable life and want to die, you might want to insert the pre-step of: love yourself and love your life. I'm also assuming there are already immortals walking the Earth today, as a how-to manual is easier to write than describing an invention that doesn't yet exist.

Step 1: Replace anger and hate with love
Only the most advanced humans are going to be able to live forever. The easiest way to become advanced is to get rid of all of your anger and your hate. It's actually pretty easy to do this. Hate always results from letting anger stew around too long, and anger is always a secondary emotion.

The primary emotion behind anger is almost always embarrassment or fear. However, it's easier to say, "that guy really pisses me off," rather than, "that guy really embarrassed me last Wednesday," and so we often take the anger route rather than the emotionally mature route.

By love, I don't mean just human love. Mother nature isn't going to let folks who continually kill tons of other organisms and who generate literally tons of plastic waste per year live forever. Being an eco-friendly vegetarian doesn't guarantee you'll live forever, but it will help.

Step 2: Eliminate suppression, by feeling all of your feelings
A lot of people call this living in the moment. It's a little different and a little the same, because this means acknowledging every single feeling you have.

Feeling your feelings is a tricky balancing act, because the more you focus on an emotion, the stronger it becomes. You can test it out now, by focusing everything and all of your efforts on a small pain you have. If you're able to focus almost 100% on that pain for over 24 full hours, what was once a minor hurt will become almost unbearable. The trick is to be brutally honest with yourself with every emotion, but then quickly move on from the negative emotions to focusing on something positive that's happening now. That's where living in the present ties in.

Step 3: Learn every lesson
If you feel time is getting faster and faster, then you are slowly dying. Time speeding up for you is the biggest sign you have lessons to learn that you're not learning. Have you said lately, "This week has gone by so quickly?" or "I can't believe it's summer already!" or "Didn't 2010 just fly by?" If you say this kind of stuff, you aren't learning the lessons you should be, and time is speeding up for you so you die a quick, relatively painless death.

Contrast that to immortals. They are always learning. Jesus is a great example, since he was still learning and being tested throughout his documented history.

Step 4: Have a strong connection to a god that tells you to live forever
I'm not completely certain about this step, but I think unless God tells you that you should live forever, you're never going to muster up enough emotional intensity all by your puny mortal self to be able to pull off immortality.

To complete this step, simply find a god, ask that god to give you a witness you should be immortal, and then wait for your answer. I guess if you don't get an answer, you can keep moving on to different gods until you find one that tells you that you should be immortal.

Step 5: Nutrition
This is an optional step, as it's theoretically possible to generate everything your body needs by using the molecules of just the stuff you breathe in through the air. However, I think the only immortal who could pull this off is Jesus. The rest of us should take this step seriously.

Both Alobar and Ray Kurzweil are immortal wannabes who have dedicated a large portion of their lives to figuring out their unique nutrition and supplement profile that will maximize their chances for immortality. I think everyone, with our different bodies, has a nutrition profile unique to us that will maximize our chances at immortality. If we can figure that out, we'll have a much better shot at immortality.

As a minimum first step, take a multivitamin and a fish oil pill every day.

As a second step, find a nutrition guru like Alobar, and read everything this guru publishes, and try out all of the stuff the guru recommends.

As a third and final step, become a guru yourself, because your nutrition profile and needs are going to be at least a little different than your guru's.

Step 6: Regenerate yourself
This should be a little easier than levitating yourself, and it involves roughly the same steps. Here are the steps for both:
  • Become obsessed about levitation/regeneration
  • Learn everything you can about it
  • Start practicing on something that would have happened anyway. For levitation, put a piece of paper in a windy field, and using just your mind, make this paper blow away. For regeneration, when you get a small cut, practice healing yourself as rapidly as possible
  • Supplement your growing knowledge by intense study of areas of the brain you think are related to levitation/regeneration
  • Practice weird/unusual exercises to hyper-develop the parts of your brain you feel are related to levitation or regeneration
  • Gradually increase the intensity of levitation/regeneration until you are able to levitate yourself and others, or you are able to instantly heal or regenerate anything on yourself
If you practice every day for about 12 hours, over about a 20-year period, you should be able to easily levitate yourself. And because regeneration is easier than levitation, then regeneration should take a year or two less. And, this will be a cool step, because you'll be able to regrow hair, or de-grow hair in embarrassing areas, or build big muscles without working out, or turn your body into any shape or appearance you want it to be in.

Step 7: Insert regenerative nanotechnology into your bloodstream
This is obviously an optional step, since there are probably already immortals now without nanobots, and since this technology doesn't yet exist. All nanotechnology does is makes the above steps easier, or lets you make more mistakes on the above steps, so you can be a lot sloppier of an immortal than the immortals who really take immortality seriously.

Save up money now. These nanobots are going to be expensive.

Links:
Photo purchased from istockphoto

Thursday, April 7, 2011

My mom was right, about one thing

Where has that money been?
When I was young, my mom told me I shouldn't put money in my mouth, because "you never know where that money has been."

I could alway understand that about coins. Coins get dropped in the gutters and then given back as change ten minutes later at the Seven Eleven. Coins even get fished out of the toilet and reused.

When I was young, I got a science kit for Christmas. My favorite thing from the science kit didn’t even need the science kit. I learned that if I mixed baking soda and vinegar, and then dropped my dirtiest pennies in the mix, then they come out ‘clean.’ It’s not really clean, but this shiny alien-like, neo-neon type of penny that is technically clean but is rendered completely non-penny-like.

My point is that pennies are really dirty. So, it’s obvious you shouldn't put them in your mouth.

Bills on the other hand don't get dropped in the gutter or fished out of the toilet. That's why I didn’t believe my mom about putting those in your mouth. I did see this mobster movie where there were tons of bills with blood all over them, but the nice mobsters washed the bills all clean and hung them up to dry.

The worst I could picture a dollar going through is being dropped in the mud. I've eaten dirt before and it wasn't that bad.

Then, a few months ago, I was at this strip club. The stripper was just wearing a thong.

She bent over, and this guy with a dollar bill moved her thong aside, spread her cheeks, crammed the dollar bill up to her nether regions, and twisted it back and forth, for a very, very long time. Now, I like beautiful strippers in thongs and nice behinds as much as the next guy, but something just struck me as unsettling with what I was looking at.

Suddenly my mind turned into one of those movies where a tape played fast backward through significant points in my life.

I was ten years old again, with a dollar bill crammed in my mouth, smiling sheepishly, and my mom yelling at me. 'You don’t know where that’s been! Get that thing out of your mouth!'

Links:

Photo purchased from iStockphoto.

Monday, April 4, 2011

How to buy a CR-48, and how to sell a CR-48

Note that I'm not encouraging you to buy or sell a CR-48, I'm just giving you info on it if you choose to do so. You should obviously check with Google before you do anything.
Woman thinking about checking with Google before she sells her CR-48
The CR-48 is the prototype netbook from Google for Google's new operating system, Chrome OS. Google gave out about 90,000 of these for free, but now you can't get them anymore.

Either the new Chrome OS laptops coming out late 2011 will have the sweet deal on Verizon internet that the CR-48's do, or the CR-48's will be in very very high demand later this year. In addition to this being a cool computer with a cool operating system, it turns wireless broadband from something that's ridiculously expensive to something that's very economical.

Here's a list of FAQs for buying and selling a CR-48.

FAQs:

Q: How easy is it to transfer ownership of a CR-48?
A: Extremely easy. You should do a factory reset, and then you're good to go. However, this is an optional step that's only needed if you want to get rid of the previous owner's icon on the startup screen.

Q: What if the person I buy the CR-48 from doesn't disable the administrative account?
A: There's not really an administrative account, just an owner account which can be deleted by restoring to the factory default. Because this really is a cloud computer, each person who logs in gets their own account with the exact same rights. So everybody is either an admin on the computer or a guest, depending on how you look at it, and there's no way to give any user more rights or less rights. Except for the owner account, which really doesn't do much.

Q: How do I reset the CR-48 back to factory default?
A: Take off the battery. Remove the piece of tape by the battery. Turn the switch to the left (dev mode). Replace the battery, and turn it on. Click through the frowny face screens. Turn the computer off. Take off the battery. Turn the switch to the right (regular mode). Replace the battery, and turn it on. Attempt to log in, and it will power down. Turn the computer on, and it is completely reset.

Q: If I log onto another CR-48, will it remember my extensions and passwords and stuff?
A: Yes

Q: How does the previous owner transfer ownership of the Verizon 24-month internet?
A: No transfer is needed. If you just use the previous owner's 100 MB per month, then you'll have the length remaining on the previous owner's remaining internet. However, if you ever buy more than the basic 100 MB per month, with a different account, then the whole thing will reset, and you'll get 24 more months attached to your account. I read somewhere that you can get it reset, without an additional purchase, if you call Verizon, but I think you should test out how much 1 GB of internet is.

Q: Is the Verizon 24-month internet tied to the user who first activated it?
A: Not really, it's more tied to the computer. Anyone who logs onto the CR-48 can use the Verizon 24-month internet.

Q: Is there a Verizon card that someone could take out?
A: If there is, it's deep inside the computer, and not something removable like an SD card. Someone would have to open the CR48 with a screwdriver to even see it.

Q: What are the rates for buying more internet bandwidth?
A: $20 for 1 GB, $35 for 3 GB, $50 for 5 GB, which all expire in a month, and a 1-day unlimited pass for $9.99. You should start out testing with 1 GB, because 5 GB is super hard to use in a month unless you're downloading stuff all the time, and you won't download too much with the CR-48. Also, you have to run out of internet before you can buy more, or even see what the rates are, which is kind of a pain.

Q: How much stuff can I do with 100 MB?
A: This will give you about 10 hours of light internet time, meaning everything but videos and downloads.

Q: How fast is Verizon broadband?
A: I average about 1 Mbps.

Q: Does the wireless broadband disconnect all the time?
A: No, it's very reliable. I used it as a passenger in a car driving all over New Mexico, and it only disconnected once, for about a minute.

Q: Is it easy to turn off the Cellular (Verizon) so I don't accidentally use all my allowance?
A: Yes, just click the internet icon at the top, then click "Disable Cellular"

Q: Is there a better deal anywhere on wireless broadband than what you get with a CR-48?
A: No.

Q: Which takes preference, Wi-fi (wireless internet), 3g (Verizon), or does it pick the fastest one?
A: It always uses Wi-fi when it's connected, so temporarily disable it if you have slow wifi and want to use Verizon instead.

Q: How do I sell a CR-48?
A: Either eBay or craigslist or your local classified ads. However, Google is regularly removing these, so make sure your auction is either a 1-day or 3-day auction. Buy it now with a low price is the best way. If you have a lot of positive feedback on your eBay account, you probably want to use a friend's account to sell your CR-48, so your good account doesn't get a bad status from getting your items de-listed. Also, you really should check with Google first.

Q: What's the current street value of a CR-48?
A: $350 to $450 used, $450 to $550 brand new, untouched.

Q: I see eBay auctions for CR-48s for only $100, what do you mean it costs $400-500?
A: Those cheap auctions are still in the early bidding process, and will probably even get removed. Check what auctions actually sold for. Also, some sneaky eBayers are just selling the box or a non-working laptop. Check the listing thoroughly before you buy.

Q: Is Google tracking who's buying and selling CR-48's?
A: Probably, but right now they're not doing anything but reporting and de-listing eBay listings every two weeks.

Q: What inputs and plugs does it have?
A: Only the following: VGA, SD card, USB, power, headphone/speaker, battery, developer mode switch (hidden). There's no ethernet port.

Q: Where's the right click on the CR-48?
A: It doesn't exist. You right click by either Alt+Click, or by clicking on the touchpad with two fingers instead of one. As a side note, the whole touchpad can be clicked, but it's easier if you click the bottom.

Q: How do I scroll with the touchpad on the CR-48?
A: You can't use the side of the touchpad to scroll. You have to use two fingers, anywhere on the touchpad, at the same time, to scroll.

Links:
Photo purchased from iStockphoto.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Calculator implants in the brain could happen today

The problem with our memory is that it is fuzzy, and it changes.

My grandma memorized a poem in her youth. The older she got, the more unmemorized that poem became. It was cute and endearing when she recited most of the poem in a somewhat jumbled fashion, but by the time I heard it, it was never a verbatim recitation. I'm sure she had that poem completely memorized for probably about twenty years of her life, before her memory started to unwind itself.

As far as I know, every single part of our brains is subject to change. That's cool, because that means that it's theoretically possible to rewire our brains in any way that we want to, and change ourselves in any way that we want to. That's uncool, though, because that means that nothing is ever for certain, and that everything in our heads may change at any time.

Here's a way to test this yourself. Count backward from 100 to 1 by threes, so 100, 97, 94, 91, and so on until you get to one. Do it again and again, and you'll notice something. You end up with a different ending number almost every time. We've all been adding and subtracting by threes since we were about five, so why can't we do a relatively simple math task like that perfectly every time? It's because no part of our brain is fixed and permanent.

I heard once that math is the most useless skill to have. Sure, it's important that 1% of our population knows math really well, but in reality, most of us don't need to know math at all. If you really need a math equation solved, you can just google it, and if you really need an answer to a math problem that google can't solve, you can just ask someone who's good in math.

The problem with math is that you have to spend years memorizing a bunch of boring stuff just to have math be any use at all, and we have very simple calculators with reliable formulas inside that bypass the need for any math memorization and really make the need for learning math obsolete.

But, what if our brains all included an unchangeable calculator? Maybe math wouldn't be so useless then.

If we could just think and instantly figure out the probability of beating the dealer in blackjack with our current hand, then maybe math would be worthwhile.

If we had math so integrated into our brains, that we could shoot pool, and know for 100% certain where the balls were going to go, then maybe math would be worthwhile.

If we could go to the grocery store and instantly be able to figure out which stuff is the cheapest per ounce, then maybe math would be worthwhile.

Calculator implants in the brain should be relatively easy to do. They're already implanting computers into the brains of paraplegics to allow them to move stuff with their thoughts. And I'm sure that a basic calculator is much, much less complicated than wireless robot technology, because even a relatively complex calculator is only about 5 kilobytes of information. That's just as much information as is in the text of this article, which is not much. You'd probably only need to connect the tiny calculator in and out of the brain with a couple of connections, which means it would be a relatively simple surgery.

Why a calculator? Because it's the best combination of simplicity and usefulness in something that we could program and permanently put in our heads

The cool thing will be once our brains start to rewire themselves around the implanted calculator. Then we could do some truly amazing things, that would only be indirectly related to math but would use the brain math calculator heavily. Pro golfers could hit holes in one almost every time. Bowling wouldn't be the super frustrating sport that it is today. Poker would be elevated to a whole new level. You'd be able to tell if a piece of furniture would fit through a door before you moved it up the stairs. You'd never accidentally mess up a recipe you were doubling. And, finally, math would get some credit.

All of this can happen with something the size of a piece of glitter in our heads.

Boring math calculations for the size of a brain calculator:

  • A Blu-ray disc weighs about 20 grams, has a surface area of 113 cm^2, and contains about 50 gigabytes of information. 
  • You can make a simple calculator with 5 kilobytes of information. 
  • With current technology, it would be possible to make a calculator that weighs 1.9 micrograms and is 32x32 micrometers wide. 
  • That's a square where one side is a little smaller than the width of your hair, or like a super small piece of glitter, so basically this calculator would be so small you couldn't see it, unless it was glittery.

Links:
Photo purchased from istockphoto.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Venusforming‭ ‬Earth

There‭ ‬are‭ ‬microbes‭ ‬that‭ ‬exist‭ ‬in‭ ‬200+‭ ‬degree‭ ‬temperatures‭ ‬in‭ ‬sea‭ ‬volcanoes‭ ‬here‭ ‬on‭ ‬Earth,‭ ‬so‭ ‬it‭'‬s‭ ‬not‭ ‬unthinkable‭ ‬that‭ ‬something‭'‬s‭ ‬alive‭ ‬on‭ ‬Venus.‭ ‬But‭ ‬if‭ ‬it‭ ‬is‭ ‬alive,‭ ‬it‭'‬s‭ ‬definitely‭ ‬different‭ ‬than‭ ‬us.

If‭ ‬there‭ ‬were‭ ‬life‭ ‬on‭ ‬Venus,‭ ‬then‭ ‬it‭ ‬would‭ ‬have‭ ‬to‭ ‬survive‭ ‬in‭ ‬the‭ ‬tough‭ ‬Venusian‭ ‬environment.

Venus‭ ‬is‭ ‬completely‭ ‬uninhabitable‭ ‬for‭ ‬us‭ ‬humans,‭ ‬for‭ ‬a‭ ‬few‭ ‬reasons.
  • Days ‏on‭ ‬Venus‭ ‬last‭ ‬243‭ ‬days,‭ ‬meaning‭ ‬nights‭ ‬would‭ ‬be‭ ‬worse‭ ‬than‭ ‬winters‭ ‬in‭ ‬Alaska
  • There‎'‏s‭ ‬no‭ ‬magnetic‭ ‬field‭ ‬on‭ ‬Venus,‭ ‬so‭ ‬your‭ ‬compass‭ ‬wouldn‭'‬t‭ ‬work,‭ ‬plus‭ ‬you‭'‬d‭ ‬get‭ ‬radiated‭ ‬to‭ ‬death‭ ‬by‭ ‬solar‭ ‬flares‭ ‬a‭ ‬few‭ ‬times‭ ‬a‭ ‬month
  • The‎ ‏atmosphere‭ ‬is‭ ‬96%‭ ‬carbon‭ ‬dioxide‭ ‬and‭ ‬about‭ ‬0%‭ ‬oxygen,‭ ‬so‭ ‬you‭ ‬couldn‭'‬t‭ ‬breathe
  • The atmospheric pressure on the surface of Venus is 90 times more than earth (90 atms), so you'd be crushed to death just by the air
  • Oh,‎ ‏and‭ ‬it‭'‬s‭ ‬over‭ ‬400‭ ‬degrees‭ ‬there.‭ ‬So‭ ‬your‭ ‬egg‭ ‬would‭ ‬fry‭ ‬before‭ ‬you‭ ‬could‭ ‬crack‭ ‬it,‭ ‬which‭ ‬means‭ ‬you‭ ‬could‭ ‬only‭ ‬get‭ ‬hard-boiled‭ ‬eggs‭ ‬on‭ ‬Venus.‭ ‬Plus‭ ‬you‭ ‬would‭ ‬melt‭ ‬like‭ ‬a‭ ‬marshmallow‭ ‬in‭ ‬a‭ ‬microwave.
This gave me an idea for what I think would be an interesting story, so fast‭ ‬forward‭ ‬to:

March‭ ‬2015:‭ ‬Scientists‭ ‬discover‭ ‬a‭ ‬ginormous‭ ‬asteroid‭ ‬about‭ ‬as‭ ‬far‭ ‬away‭ ‬from the Earth as‭ ‬Jupiter is,‭ ‬but it's headed‭ ‬directly‭ ‬toward‭ ‬Venus.‭ ‬It‭ ‬will‭ ‬pass‭ ‬by‭ ‬far‭ ‬from‭ ‬earth,‭ ‬but‭ ‬it‭ ‬appears‭ ‬that‭ ‬it‭'‬s‭ ‬headed‭ ‬on‭ ‬a‭ ‬direct‭ ‬collision‭ ‬course‭ ‬with‭ ‬Venus.‭ ‬Most‭ ‬news‭ ‬stories‭ ‬focus‭ ‬on‭ ‬whether‭ ‬or‭ ‬not‭ ‬the‭ ‬resulting‭ ‬Venusian‭ ‬dust‭ ‬cloud‭ ‬from‭ ‬the Venus‭ ‬impact‭ ‬will‭ ‬affect‭ ‬Earth,‭ even though the‭ ‬projected‭ ‬path‭ ‬of‭ ‬the‭ ‬asteroid‭ ‬is‭ ‬far‭ ‬from‭ ‬Earth.‭ ‬Some‭ ‬enviro-friendly‭ ‬people‭ ‬suggest‭ ‬that‭ ‬we‭ ‬do‭ ‬something‭ ‬to‭ ‬alter‭ ‬the‭ ‬course‭ ‬of‭ ‬the‭ ‬asteroid,‭ ‬but‭ ‬the‭ ‬President‭ ‬of‭ ‬the‭ ‬US‭ ‬announces‭ ‬that‭ ‬we‭ ‬won‭'‬t‭ ‬do‭ ‬anything‭ ‬about‭ ‬it,‭ ‬because‭ ‬it‭ ‬won‭'‬t‭ ‬impact‭ ‬earth‭ ‬and‭ ‬it‭ ‬would‭ ‬be‭ ‬too‭ ‬expensive‭ ‬to‭ ‬do‭ ‬something‭.‭  (‬This‭ ‬shows‭ ‬that‭ ‬we‭ ‬humans‭ ‬are‭ ‬insensitive‭ ‬to‭ ‬stuff‭ ‬that‭ ‬doesn‭'‬t‭ ‬affect‭ ‬us.‭)

November,‭ ‬2015: (six months later)‭ ‬A‭ ‬few‭ ‬weeks‭ ‬before‭ ‬impact‭ ‬with‭ ‬Venus,‭ ‬the‭ ‬asteroid‭ ‬starts‭ ‬reacting‭ ‬to‭ ‬what‭ ‬seems‭ ‬to‭ ‬be‭ ‬an‭ ‬anti-gravitational‭ ‬or‭ ‬magnetic‭ ‬force‭ ‬emanating‭ ‬from‭ ‬the‭ ‬Venus.‭ ‬The‭ ‬planet‭ ‬Venus‭ ‬appears‭ ‬to‭ ‬be‭ ‬magnetically‭ ‬affecting‭ ‬the‭ ‬asteroid.‭ ‬This‭ ‬is‭ ‬somewhat‭ ‬ironic,‭ ‬since‭ ‬Venus‭ ‬doesn‭'‬t‭ ‬have‭ ‬magnetic‭ ‬poles,‭ ‬like‭ ‬Earth.‭ ‬The‭ ‬asteroid‭ ‬barely‭ ‬clears‭ ‬Venus,‭ ‬skimming‭ ‬its‭ ‬atmosphere,‭ ‬and‭ ‬unexpectedly‭ ‬hurls‭ ‬back,‭ ‬directly‭ ‬toward‭ ‬earth.‭

This‭ ‬time,‭ ‬we‭ ‬do‭ ‬everything‭ ‬possible‭ ‬to‭ ‬stop‭ ‬the‭ ‬asteroid.‭ ‬Scientists‭ ‬project‭ ‬it‭ ‬will‭ ‬land‭ ‬on‭ ‬Los‭ ‬Angeles,‭ ‬and‭ ‬this‭ ‬will‭ ‬be‭ ‬a‭ ‬dinosaur-extinction-level‭ ‬asteroid‭ ‬disaster.

January,‭ ‬2016: (two months later)‭ ‬Everything‭ ‬we‭ ‬shoot‭ ‬at‭ ‬the‭ ‬asteroid‭ ‬gets‭ ‬deflected‭ ‬around‭ ‬it.‭ ‬We‭ ‬try‭ ‬a‭ ‬bunch‭ ‬of‭ ‬stuff,‭ ‬like‭ ‬in‭ ‬that‭ ‬movie,‭ ‬but‭ ‬we‭'‬re‭ ‬thwarted‭ ‬at‭ ‬every‭ ‬turn,‭ ‬by‭ ‬what‭ ‬seems‭ ‬to‭ ‬be‭ ‬an‭ ‬invisible‭ ‬force‭ ‬emanating‭ ‬from‭ ‬the‭ ‬asteroid.‭ ‬The‭ ‬asteroid‭ ‬starts‭ ‬gradually‭ ‬changing‭ ‬its‭ ‬course,‭ ‬so‭ ‬that‭ ‬the‭ ‬new‭ ‬projected‭ ‬impact‭ ‬point‭ ‬is‭ ‬anywhere‭ ‬between‭ ‬LA‭ ‬and‭ ‬Japan,‭ ‬and‭ ‬this‭ ‬is‭ ‬hotly‭ ‬debated‭ ‬by‭ ‬different‭ ‬scientists‭ ‬and‭ ‬astronomers.‭ ‬We‭ ‬start‭ ‬preparing‭ ‬the‭ ‬coastal‭ ‬cities‭ ‬for‭ ‬the‭ ‬worst‭ ‬tidal‭ ‬waves‭ ‬ever.

March,‭ ‬2016: (two months later)‭ ‬Right‭ ‬before‭ ‬the‭ ‬asteroid‭ ‬impacted‭ ‬Earth,‭ ‬it‭ ‬did‭ ‬some‭ ‬really‭ ‬weird‭ ‬stuff‭ ‬with‭ ‬its‭ ‬impact‭ ‬angle,‭ ‬and‭ ‬started‭ ‬spinning‭ ‬really,‭ ‬really‭ ‬quickly.‭ ‬Scientists‭ ‬were‭ ‬able‭ ‬to‭ ‬develop‭ ‬mathematical‭ ‬models‭ ‬for‭ ‬how‭ ‬the‭ ‬asteroid‭ ‬strangely‭ ‬behaved,‭ ‬so‭ ‬everyone‭ ‬still‭ ‬thinks‭ ‬the‭ ‬asteroid‭ ‬is‭ ‬a‭ ‬natural‭ ‬phenomenon.‭ ‬When‭ ‬it‭ ‬impacted,‭ ‬it‭ ‬hit‭ ‬Hawaii,‭ ‬but‭ ‬because‭ ‬of‭ ‬its‭ ‬spin,‭ ‬it‭ ‬had‭ ‬a‭ ‬ricocheting‭ ‬effect,‭ ‬so‭ ‬it‭ ‬actually‭ ‬hit‭ ‬and‭ ‬re-hit‭ ‬the‭ ‬earth,‭ ‬causing‭ ‬what‭ ‬felt‭ ‬like‭ ‬earthquake‭ ‬after‭ ‬earthquake,‭ ‬felt‭ ‬worldwide,‭ ‬for‭ ‬about‭ ‬two‭ ‬days.‭ ‬During‭ ‬the‭ ‬two‭ ‬days‭ ‬of‭ ‬earthquakes,‭ ‬everyone‭ ‬is‭ ‬pressed‭ ‬up‭ ‬against‭ ‬a‭ ‬wall,‭ ‬if‭ ‬they‭'‬re‭ ‬inside.‭ ‬Stuff‭ ‬outside‭ ‬that‭ ‬wasn‭'‬t‭ ‬nailed‭ ‬down‭ ‬moves ‬dozens‭ ‬and‭ ‬sometimes‭ ‬hundreds‭ ‬of‭ ‬miles‭ ‬away.

Three‭ ‬days‭ ‬later:‭ Very‭ ‬surprisingly,‭ ‬most‭ ‬buildings‭ ‬are‭ ‬still‭ ‬standing,‭ ‬almost‭ ‬everyone‭ ‬is‭ ‬still‭ ‬alive.‭ ‬The‭ ‬tidal‭ ‬waves‭ ‬ended‭ ‬up‭ ‬not ‬being‭ ‬all‭ ‬that‭ ‬bad,‭ ‬either.‭ ‬New‭ ‬Orleans‭ ‬got‭ ‬the‭ ‬worst‭ ‬of‭ ‬it,‭ ‬since‭ ‬they‭ ‬never‭ ‬put‭ ‬great‭ ‬levies‭ ‬in‭ ‬there.‭ ‬True,‭ ‬it‭'‬s‭ ‬the‭ ‬worst‭ ‬natural‭ ‬disaster‭ ‬since‭ ‬probably‭ ‬when‭ ‬the‭ ‬dinosaurs‭ ‬got‭ ‬destroyed,‭ ‬so‭ ‬things‭ ‬are‭ ‬pretty‭ ‬bad,‭ ‬but‭ ‬almost‭ ‬everyone‭ ‬is‭ ‬thankful‭ ‬they‭'‬re‭ ‬still‭ ‬alive.

The‭ ‬weird‭ ‬thing‭ ‬is‭ ‬that‭ ‬the‭ ‬sun‭ ‬never‭ ‬sets.‭ (‬At‭ ‬least‭ ‬for‭ ‬us‭ ‬Americans.‭)

May,‭ ‬2016:‭ (two months later) ‬After‭ ‬we‭ ‬get‭ ‬the‭ ‬power‭ ‬back‭ ‬on,‭ ‬we‭ ‬realize‭ ‬that‭ ‬the‭ ‬only‭ ‬real‭ ‬impact‭ ‬of‭ ‬the‭ ‬asteroid‭ ‬was‭ Earth‭'‬s‭ ‬rotation‭ ‬has‭ ‬been‭ ‬slowed‭ ‬to‭ ‬a‭ ‬crawl.‭ ‬Well,‭ ‬that‭ ‬and‭ ‬a‭ ‬huge‭ ‬volcano‭ ‬close‭ ‬to‭ ‬the‭ ‬north‭ ‬pole‭ ‬that‭'‬s‭ ‬now‭ ‬even‭ ‬taller‭ ‬than‭ ‬Mount‭ ‬Everest,‭ ‬due‭ ‬to‭ ‬shifting‭ ‬of‭ ‬the‭ ‬tectonic‭ ‬plates,‭ ‬scientists‭ ‬say.‭ ‬The‭ ‬equator,‭ ‬which‭ ‬used‭ ‬to‭ ‬rotate‭ ‬at‭ ‬over‭ ‬a‭ ‬thousand‭ ‬miles‭ ‬per‭ ‬hour,‭ ‬now‭ ‬only‭ ‬rotates‭ ‬at‭ ‬about‭ ‬6‭ ‬miles‭ ‬an‭ ‬hour.‭ ‬This‭ ‬means‭ ‬a‭ ‬new‭ ‬day‭ ‬will‭ ‬last‭ ‬about‭ ‬a‭ ‬year.

Needless‭ ‬to‭ ‬say,‭ ‬GPS‭ ‬devices‭ ‬no‭ ‬longer‭ ‬work.

May,‭ ‬2018: (two years later)

The‭ ‬new‭ ‬volcano,‭ ‬which‭ ‬we‭ ‬called‭ ‬Mount‭ ‬Vesuvius,‭ ‬put‭ ‬a‭ ‬bunch‭ ‬of‭ ‬stuff‭ ‬into‭ ‬the‭ ‬atmosphere,‭ ‬so‭ ‬that‭ ‬scientists‭ ‬say‭ ‬that‭'‬s‭ ‬why‭ ‬the‭ ‬days‭ ‬don‭'‬t‭ ‬boil‭ ‬us‭ ‬and‭ ‬the‭ ‬nights‭ ‬don‭'‬t‭ ‬freeze‭ ‬us.‭ ‬Plus‭ ‬as‭ ‬a‭ ‬weird‭ ‬aftereffect,‭ ‬the‭ ‬winds‭ ‬in‭ ‬the‭ ‬upper‭ ‬atmosphere‭ ‬blow‭ ‬almost‭ ‬a‭ ‬thousand‭ ‬miles‭ ‬an‭ ‬hour,‭ ‬even‭ ‬though‭ ‬winds‭ ‬on‭ ‬the‭ ‬surface‭ ‬have‭ ‬slowed‭ ‬down‭ ‬considerably.

Life‭ ‬is‭ ‬pretty‭ ‬much‭ ‬the‭ ‬same‭ ‬except‭ ‬days‭ ‬last‭ ‬130‭ ‬days.‭ ‬And‭ ‬nights‭ ‬last‭ ‬130‭ ‬days‭ ‬also.‭ ‬So‭ ‬most‭ ‬of‭ ‬the‭ ‬technological‭ ‬development‭ ‬of‭ ‬the‭ ‬last‭ ‬two‭ ‬years‭ ‬was‭ ‬focused‭ ‬on‭ ‬how‭ ‬we‭ ‬can‭ ‬grow‭ ‬food‭ ‬on‭ ‬the‭ ‬bright‭ ‬side‭ ‬of‭ ‬the‭ ‬world‭ ‬and‭ ‬transport‭ ‬it‭ ‬to‭ ‬the‭ ‬dark‭ ‬side‭ ‬of‭ ‬the‭ ‬world.

This‭ ‬is‭ ‬also‭ ‬the‭ ‬same‭ ‬month‭ ‬we‭ ‬discover‭ ‬another‭ ‬asteroid‭ ‬headed‭ ‬on‭ ‬a‭ ‬collision‭ ‬course‭ ‬with‭ ‬Venus.

May‭ ‬2019: (one year later)

The‭ ‬same‭ ‬thing‭ ‬happens‭ ‬with‭ ‬this‭ ‬asteroid‭ ‬as‭ ‬with‭ ‬the‭ ‬first‭ ‬one. It barely misses Venus, skimming its surface, and turns back on a collision course for Earth.‭ ‬The‭ ‬only‭ ‬difference‭ is this‭ ‬one‭ ‬misses‭ the ‬Earth‭ ‬and‭ ‬becomes a‭ ‬secondary‭ ‬satellite‭ ‬to‭ ‬our‭ ‬planet. The effect of this satellite is that 95% of the time, the Earth’s magnetic field is neutralized.

Solar flares severely affect Earth now. People don’t want to go outside, because skin gets fried pretty easily now, and electrical stuff only works about half the time.

June 2019: (one month later)

It’s pretty obvious now that these two asteroids weren’t accidents, and something in Venus is trying to transform Earth into a Venus-like environment. We react to this in just about every way possible. The people who have been saying this since the first asteroid hit instantly become celebrities. We start sending peace messages to Venus. India launches a nuke at Venus, but before it hits, some force pushes it so the bomb goes around Venus and heads toward the dead of space. People start praying to the gods and goddesses of Venus.

June 2025: (six years later)

Life has been pretty much the same for years. Lots of people died, because of the problems of transporting food around the globe, but we fixed enough of them so most of the Earth’s population is still alive.

In this month, where Hawaii once was, this massive bubbling, or boiling comes up out of the water. We find that it’s ice-cold carbon dioxide vapor, and that something or someone is turning the oceans and the biomass in the oceans into carbon dioxide and this kind of salt-like substance.

September 2025: (three months later)
The carbon dioxide vapor has kept coming, so much that it’s very hard to breath, so almost everyone who can afford it is wearing supplemental oxygen devices. The atmospheric pressure is rising rapidly, and so are the carbon dioxide levels, but surprisingly because the vapor steaming out of the ocean is super cold, it stabilizes the Earth's temperature. So the temperature has basically been the same as it always has. So much for all of the greenhouse effect warnings we heard over the years. We’d stopped trying to make contact with Venus the last few years, but with the carbon dioxide being pumped into the atmosphere, everyone starts trying to make contact with Venus again.

December 2025: (three months later)
The temperature starts to rapidly rise, because of a massive greenhouse effect. We try to stop the oceans from boiling, but find that it’s being done by this kind of indestructible nanotechnology that will turn pretty much anything into carbon dioxide. Most people think that the Venusians just can’t see us, and so we focus most efforts on experimental technologies and communication methods, trying to tell the Venusians that we’re alive and we want to keep living.

January 2026: (one month later)
We start to die, some from heat, some from lack of oxygen, some from being pressurized to death, and some from starvation. We did shoot a few pods off into space with cryogenically frozen humans in hopes of preserving humanity, and also so this story isn’t ultimately depressing.

January 2126: (ten years later)
Venusforming of Earth is complete.

January 2226: (one hundred years later)
Venus explodes.

January 4226: (two thousand years later)
Beneficent and advanced aliens find the pods and construct a new Earth for us. Or at least for the ten humans they saved from the pods.

The End.

This is a plot outline of a movie I think would be cool. Hopefully someone takes it and turns it into a book or a movie. If you need a moral, it’s that maybe we should be thinking now about how life might exist in forms that are much different than us. Almost all of us believe we have souls that are alive, yet those souls are as strange and elusive as the aliens in my story who couldn’t see us and we couldn’t see them.

Links:


Photo purchased from istockphoto.

Friday, February 25, 2011

How to play the longest word in English possible, in Scrabble, ethylenediaminetetraacetates

Why is ethylenediaminetetraacetates the longest word in Scrabble? There are other longer, more popular words, like floccinaucinihilipilification, the act of esteeming something as worthless, antidisestablishmentarianism, which is wanting to keep the Church of England together, the Mary Poppins originated word of supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, and that one volcano ash lung disease condition, pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

Before I answer that, here's how to play ethylenediaminetetraacetates:
It's a hard word to play in Scrabble because none of its obvious compound words of ethylenediamine, diaminetetra, and tetraacetates are words. What is ethylenediaminetetraacetates? It's the conjugate base of ethylenediaminetetraacetic acid or EDTA, which is some kind of industrial compound.

The longest word that anyone's actually heard of is electroencephalographically, which is a form of electroencephalograph, an EEG, which is when they put a bunch of wires on your head and the read your brain waves.

How to play electroencephalographically:
However, both of those words don't fit on a regular 15x15 Scrabble board. They're only theoretically possible, because The Official Scrabble Players Dictionary only has 7 and 8 letter words as the longest words, and the official Scrabble dictionary says, "Words that exceed eight letters in length and are not inflected forms of words entered in this dictionary should be looked up in a standard dictionary. The National SCRABBLE® Association recommends Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, Eleventh Edition, as a reference for additional words." And, the longest word in that referenced lexical tome is ethylenediaminetetraacetates. So, that's the answer to the question above. That means you'll either need to play this on Super Scrabble Max Ultimate® which only exists in the future, or find an online word game like Word2 or Lexulous.

So, what's the longest word that you can actually play on a real Scrabble board? Actually, there are thousands. Because of all of the crazy words allowed in the Scrabble dictionary, there's a theoretically possible way to play almost every possible 15-letter word. I did an in-depth analysis where I analyzed each of the possible words based on their letter frequency, and found that interpenetrated or interpenetrates is the easiest word to play, based just on letter frequency.

How to play interpenetrates or interpenetrated:
  • play IN
  • skip 3 letters and play PEN
  • skip 2 letters and play RATE
  • turn PEN--RATE into PENETRATE
  • turn IN---PENETRATE into INTERPENETRATE
  • add a D or an S for the glorious finish
Based on my mathematical analysis of Scrabble letter frequency, the following 15-letter words will be the easiest to play in Scrabble, out of about two thousand possible 15-letter words. Of course getting both wild tiles will help a lot. Because Scrabble has so many allowed crazy 2- and 3-letter words, you should be able to make all of these. For example, MO, LO, and RE are all allowed Scrabble words.

And the hardest 15-letter words to play in Scrabble, based on letter frequency are PSYCHOLOGICALLY and PSYCHOPATHOLOGY.

Links:
Image purchased from istockphoto
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