Sunday, July 18, 2010

People are zombies too, or "I thought you spelled jugs with two g's"

You know when you're a kid and you get so insanely nervous about something that you contort your hand behind your back and grab on to your other arm also behind your back?  And then your shoulder goes all crooked, even though you're trying really hard to stand up perfectly straight, and then old ladies tell you to stand up straighter and it makes you even more nervous and more lopsided?  And then the old ladies angrily bring out a ruler and then you lopsidedly run away?

Well, that's probably not you, but that was me. Picture my gangling self as a kid running away from those old ladies a lot.

In my apartment complex, everyone goes to bed at 9pm. Everyone but me, that is. It's very bizarre actually.

Late one night a few weeks ago, I arrived home at around 11pm. I noticed a tall, very slim figure in between a couple of cars. I watched this figure and noticed one shoulder protruding oddly higher than the other shoulder.  I stopped my car and watched some more. She carried two gallons of milk in her arms, and a bunch of groceries, too. Her awkward, lopsided appearance probably came from attempting to hold way too much.

I should have been chivalrous and offered to help carry the groceries, but instead, I just watched from the safety of my car.

Another of these tall, slender figures emerged, again carrying two jugs of milk and other sundries, again lurching and hunching awkwardly.  And she looked strangely similar to the first woman.

As they walked toward their apartment, all I could think about was how carrying way too much weight strangely contorted their bodies in interesting ways.

After they disappeared into the darkness, I thought, "hmm, those sisters were cute, I should have looked at their faces."

I've never seen those women before or since. I'm not sure exactly where they disappeared to in such a mystical way.  I was left with a ton of pressing questions, most notably this, "What do skinny chicks do with four gallons of milk?"

Photo courtesy of TomFullum purchased on istockphoto.

Semi-related links:


  1. Maybe they have lots of kids and/or siblings. Remember how much milk we used to have in the freezer when we were kids?

  2. I couldn't help but to notice the ads on posture. They reminded me of how, personally, I think doing knuckle push-ups, keeping proper sleeping hours, stretching, and eating right for your unique nutritional needs help a lot more with posture than practicing positioning techniques (although those can perhaps help, too, I suppose). I notice profound effects from these things and the lack thereof. I highly recommend knuckle push-ups, at least as many as you can do, three times a week. I'm sure other things that exercise the shoulders, back and stomach would help, too.

    I wish I had had these insights as a child. It probably would have saved me loads of grief. All I knew was that it felt like I was doing the same thing on days when I was told I was slouching as when I wasn't, and I didn't really know the cause of it. I figured it was some sub-conscious muscle-related thing, but I never really considered how it might not be due to my bearing. Of course, trying to stand up straight does help, but I think there's a lot than can help even more.

  3. My posture gets better the skinnier I get! I have a lot less back problems too!

  4. I've got to admit, Joseph... I was really hoping to read a story discussing a topic more along the lines of REAL JUGGS. Where is the pornography humor, man!? Your holding out on me ;)

  5. Hey Mark, thanks for the tips on posture. Congrats Vanessa for skinniness and good posture. And thanks much @manda for getting my subtitle. :)


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